Who looks at porn online?
I look at burger porn every single day.
The internet is littered with it – from Instagram, to Twitter, to whole websites such as Pornburger. Every day I’m seduced by pictures and videos of soft bouncy buns, juicy patties and dressed up lettuce causing me endless excitement and satisfaction.
But sometimes, it goes wrong. And bad burgers do happen to good people.
I don’t want to write up every bad burger experience on here using the word “shit” twenty times because I’m so disillusioned that I can’t think of much else. I don’t want to tear burgers to pieces (literally, or in a blog post).
Instead I’ve decided to create this gallery of bad burgers, as a sort of lazy/bizarre way of ‘showcasing’ the very worst burgers I eat, and you eat, around the world.
As much as I would love to, I can’t tell you where all of these burgers are from. Not because I’m a fun sponge, but because apparently if my opinions are too honest and negative online, I’m at risk of being sued. Ridiculous eh? Either way, it would leave my teeny tiny Bruce Springsteen touring fund in tatters. For now I will list the city/country, and maybe the odd clue. If you’ve had a bad burger experience, please send it over with some info, and if I think it looks really horrendous (because I do judge books by their covers) then I’ll stick it on here.
This list will be kept updated from the top down….
So, let’s begin.
Some random town, Switzerland
Actually, this burger will always be at the top of the list because surely it’s not possible to find a more tragic looking burger. The worst part? This cost 28 euro. 28 EURO. (Well, the equivalent. Switzerland eh!). I only wish I could have been there to see my friend’s face when this burger arrived. I would have laughed. A lot. Hell, I’m laughing just typing this.
|LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ|
@lengan sent me this ‘open burger’ picture. I guess it’s an attempt at simple modern Scandinavian design, but I feel it misses the mark.
Cape Town, South Africa
Imagine going to an incredible Bruce Springsteen concert in Cape Town, and then eating a lettuce burger afterwards. That’s what I did.
Somewhere On The Isle of Wight, England
The grizzle in the patty. Oh man, the grizzle in the patty.
To be continued.